It’s fight week. We’ve got four boxing-centric days culminating with the fists flying for real Thursday night. The fighters start showing up early in the week, meaning we spend the first few days covering workouts, media appearances, scheduling interviews & visits, and of course the weigh-in Wednesday evening.
It’s an exciting time. In fact, it’s easy to get caught up in the hoopla and daydream about doing more than just write about the sport.
In fact, I was ready to give boxing a try a year and a half ago and sign up for something called "White Collar Boxing" (better known to moviegoers as "Fight Club"). Fortunately for me and a lot of folks just like me, the state of New York wisely banned White Collar Boxing before I made it into the ring.
It’s just as well. While I can envision myself shuffling, sticking and moving, and I frequently throw dazzling air combinations while walking from the couch to the kitchen, my big problem would be that the guy across the ring would want to hit back. And I don’t think I would like that part at all.
So I don’t think about the unpleasant parts: The fact that I would need to block body shots from my opponent with my elbow (a part of my body that I generally try to keep out of collisions), or that if I got bruised (which I don’t even like to touch gently with my pinky) my trainer would squash a cold metal tool against them to keep the swelling down. And big long q-tips and noses? Let’s not even go there.
No, my boxing fantasies usually end with the opening bell. I can see myself threatening to eat someone’s children at the press conference announcing the fight. I’ve got a preliminary design for my ring robe (red and green with lots of sequins and a hood—hoods are key).
I’ve got a couple of finalists for my nickname. I personally prefer "Low Blow," but no sense tipping my opponents (or the ref) off to my primary offensive weapon. Something poetic would be nice: Maybe Shawn "River Styx" Krest or "Bad Moon." My wife suggested "Bad Mood," but hey, what do you expect? It’s fight week—I’ve got my game face on. Thinking of my general aversion to running and other aerobic exercise, perhaps "Bad Wind" would be a good choice. Maybe the best bet is "Volcano." That way, when I stand around for long periods of time, observers will just think I’m waiting to erupt, not resting and/or hiding.
Which leaves my entrance music. Tomorrow, I’ll run down my top ten choices for the soundtrack to my ring entrance (the exit would of course be ambulance sirens and paramedics shouting "clear").
